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How to Discover your Greatest Self and Get the Relationship you Desire

by Gina Pickersgill(more info)

listed in personal growth, originally published in issue 231 - July 2016

 

The idea of discovering yourself is a bit bizarre, but if you think about it, it would make sense to know yourself really well when in the pursuit of a new relationship. This is because of what is tried and tested in the realm of learning to be yourself in the presence of someone that you want to impress. So what is the key to discovering your best self? 

How to Discover your Greatest Self and Get the Relationship you Desire

The answer to this is not as simple as you might think. First of all it is without this knowledge that you have lived your life so far and so you have made decisions based on what you know at the time of making them. For the purpose of making sure that you know what you are looking for, we are going to suggest that you make a decision based on what you know about who you need to become.

Who you need to become is a matter of what you want to achieve. So in this sense you will be able to manage the outcomes that you want by being in tune with what you need to manifest. Creating this outcome will be a matter of attaining the ideas that promote the being states that will contribute to the process of becoming who you need to be. As long as you understand that making a change will guide you in the process of who you need to become, you can create a process based on the changes that you want to make.

Making a Basic Change (Excerpted from Gina's happiness training programme)

Change is a management strategy that allows you to focus on what you need to survive. In this way the elements that allow you to do that include those that make you understand the subtle energy body and how it works to support you. The most common way of changing in the past has been through the use of willpower and how you can talk yourself into making a change.  But the problem with that is that it has no effect in the long-run and cannot be maintained through sheer willpower. So what is subtle energy and how can it support us in making a basic change?

Energy is a process that brings beings into light. What I mean by this is that changing how we think can create energy forms that investigate the patterns and formations that lend themselves to being manipulated in the moment. By this token the beliefs that we have enlighten those changes so that they take on a specific form. It is the form in which they take that makes it possible to happen energetically. So energetically speaking we are able to transform our being into what we need it to be when we need to be it. Therefore, changing our thoughts is the most useful thing we can do to increase our ability to change our energy patterns.

The process of change, therefore, is what we need to eliminate from our thinking as something that makes us do something against our will. It is in this vein that we now move forward and think about how we can process change though being at one with our higher wisdom.

When we talk about change we know it's going to make us do some kind of inner work and very often we are tempted to make change only if it’s perceived as going to be easy. This is where we need to change our thinking because although it’s not going to be easy to change, it's going to be simple. Once you have the basic structures in place it's a matter of applying the principles to your everyday moments.

Your energy relates to what you think; what you think impacts your behaviour in the moment. So therefore we are creators of our own reality because no one else can create our thoughts on our  behalf. So manifesting change requires that we be able to find something that can resonate with our being in terms of wanting to make change voluntarily. This will help you understand the process of wanting to be different. So let's talk about how difference is analyzed and how we can begin to make changes based on what actually needs to be changed.

What personal attributes do you see as being desirable? If you could maintain them without having to make changes what would they be? Let's say you want to be more courageous. How would you manage to be courageous when you had to face a challenge moving towards your goal? What if you could just go there without any obstacles?  Would that seem like a possibility? If not, what would stop you from getting there? The answers you give to these questions will give you the identities that need to be eliminated from your psyche. This is where we need to go first!

Personality traits often make it difficult to change a behaviour due to them being permanently encoded in our neurological make up. Sometimes these behaviours are known as 'addictions' and they entrench us in our misery, suffering and pain and more often than not we find it frustrating when we don't have the tools to make a change in the direction we desire. So what we end up doing is making changes that 'go against the grain' and have us decrying our efforts and worse, giving up altogether.  This has been a problem that many of us have shared and can indeed relate to. So we need to make it clear as to what is exactly stopping us from moving forward and making it something we use to create a golden opportunity to manifest a way of being that is in line with our deepest desires.

So the main elements that cause us to remain inflexible in our behaviour is that we don't believe we can change. How is it possible to make myself feel happy when I really feel sad? It's understandable, but there are new ways of thinking now that allow us to make changes easily. In this way we have to think about how we can undo learning.

‘Old habits die hard’ is a saying that most of us have grown up believing. But what if this has been a lie that we were taught to live by because we didn't know how to change? What if we knew how to change and we believed it could be easy? What would we now begin to do differently? In thinking about these things we can begin to make decisions about what we would like to change and how that could be achieved with tools we had to hand.

Some tools can be used to promote what we need to change; others can be used to create change we need to make. Both of these situations involve thinking about what elements will guide our attention in doing so. Retracting our thoughts can often be something we can learn to do over time and how we do that depends on what we believe to be true in terms of what we can achieve personally. Therefore, arranging our thoughts in new sets of sequences has an appeal in that they will be able to guide us in thinking strategically about our issues and how to change them.

In spite of all the beliefs we have, changing our thoughts can create new outcomes that lead to specific results. It is these that we need to assume will be the process drivers for what we need to do differently. In creating new behaviours we need to make way by reducing and eliminating old behaviour pathways: i.e. the things we do that hold us back, i.e. the identities we create that no longer serve our purpose!

What is an identity? It is a collection of traits and abilities that give us a continuous way of perceiving and being in the world. It is the part of us that creates what we do in ways that help us to understand how we operate in the world. We enforce our personalities by creating outlooks and attitudes that maintain our world view; thus our beliefs are the sticking point to any process that is going to move us forward. So how do we change a belief and why is it important to do so?

In the first place, a belief is something we have learned and therefore it can be unlearned. So the best way to do this is to make sure that you know what beliefs need to be eliminated, changed and redirected. To do this, we have a process that enable that to happen easily. It involves four main steps:

  1. Identify core limiting beliefs;
  2. Understand where it came from;
  3. Find a substitute belief that supports your new identity;
  4. Make that new identity more important than old beliefs.

The beliefs we choose are those that serve to support our needs at the time of realizing their worth. When we think about what we need, we understand them to be the things that either help us survive, thrive or provide. This amnesty of thought is what gives us the weaponry of ideas that keep us in the realm of being sufficiently enamoured with life. When these beliefs are threatened, we become afraid, defensive or offensive for fear of losing our identity. But it's not our identity that we are losing, it's our belief about who we are that is being challenged.

Moving out of our comfort zone is scary; this is where the fear of change is mostly felt in our emotional and psychological body. Therefore, the identities we choose can either thwart our progression or align to them. It is the latter that we need to focus on in terms of getting the life or relationship we want, because it is here that we can orchestrate behaviours that are going to support our new identity needs. So in supporting our needs we can be a testimony to our own self-love, self-realization and actualization.

In essence we need to desensitize ourselves to the old behaviours and re-invigorate, re-invent and re-apply new behaviours that are going to make it possible to achieve the outcomes we need, want and desire.

Further Information

You can find out more about Gina's Happiness Training Programme at www.virtualnlpcoach.com

….TBC (to be confirmed)

www.virtualnlpcoach.com  sign up for a newsletter - I will let you know when the app is released.

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About Gina Pickersgill

Gina is a transpersonal coach who brings multimedia to her practice.  She created an authoritative eMagazine on NLP and Healing, based on The Healing Pool, a virtual sanctuary she owns in Second Life as her avatar 'Nina Lancaster'.

An NLP Master Practitioner and Certified Society of NLP Trainer, Gina assisted co-creator of NLP Richard Bandler on their London NLP, seminars from 2001-5.  Originally training as a fitness instructor specializing in fitness for the fuller figure, she gained a degree in Sports and Exercise Studies in 1999 and introduced the concept of Lifestyle Coaching to Virgin Active Health Clubs. She is a published holistic article writer and regular contributor to NLPLife Training Newsletter. Gina is now focused on working towards a new paradigm of delivering NLP training to a virtual world audience via various forms of multimedia platforms in partnership with sponsors and organizations.

Gina is passionate about raising awareness of virtual worlds, their potential for training change and personal development, where they will have the best benefit to a global audience, as well as to those who need more traditional methods of learning such as books, CDs, audio and one to one coaching.

Gina may be contacted via Tel: 07932 958 262; gina.pickersgill@hotmail.co.uk   www.virtualnlpcoach.com

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