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We Heal What We Need to Learn: The Ups and Downs of Grief, Joy and Happiness. Part I

by Gina Pickersgill(more info)

listed in healing, originally published in issue 275 - January 2022



The first thing you notice when someone passes is how shocked you feel when learning of their transition.

This becomes a theme in the ongoing realization of their death. Thoughts like, “it’s not fair”, “it’s too soon” and “why didn’t they tell me?” cross your mind 1,000 times a day. Suffice it to say, grief is a tricky and bumpy ride and we need to learn what it is that makes us cry, laugh, go silent, feel joy or pain and acceptance of their choices.


Dragonfly Pain and Grief Poem

We heal what we need to learn because these emotions show us that we are vulnerable and as such we find solace in knowing we can survive. Grief is a process that teaches us to pray for those that are affected by loss. We learn to empathize with others who have experienced the same fate. We learn to understand that we are invincible when it comes to facing the reality of loss. But we know that we are hurting and we live in the memory of their legacy. 

When grief affects you it’s because you have found a place of love inside that has never before been opened. Grief opens us up to what’s real, what is final and what is true!

Learning from reality has never been a great past time of mine, but the recent loss of my partner showed me that I was vulnerable to that which I thought would never happen. I was in a kind of suspended belief or even a refusal to accept it was possible. Silly I know, but there comes a day when it becomes a reality… And THAT we HAVE to accept!

Acceptance is a funny state of being that allows you to know the unknowable in that it forces you to learn what you need to heal and when you need to heal it. For instance when a loved one dies, you may need to learn that reality is REAL and that you have been imagining fantasy scenarios all along. What if they never died and we’re going to live forever? These kinds of thoughts are reality bending. In truth, we all know the only certainty are death and taxes.

But the fantasy lives in our mind to the extent that we refuse to see the inevitable blocking it out so as to keep the faith in the impossible! Reality strikes a chord of truth when you’ve been actively denying it. I avoided conversations I should’ve had that would have prepared me for the moment of truth I was unwilling to accept. 

In everything I do now there is a reminder of his legacy.  He was a writer, editor, musician and filmmaker and he’s probably checking my spelling and grammar as I write this personal story of grief. My tears now flow, the exhaustion beats my body. But my love is deep and the memory of his teachings live deep in my soul. 

I am grateful for our union because what we leave behind is what helps those who need to heal learn how.


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About Gina Pickersgill

Gina is a transpersonal coach who brings multimedia to her practice.  She created an authoritative eMagazine on NLP and Healing, based on The Healing Pool, a virtual sanctuary she owns in Second Life as her avatar 'Nina Lancaster'.

An NLP Master Practitioner and Certified Society of NLP Trainer, Gina assisted co-creator of NLP Richard Bandler on their London NLP, seminars from 2001-5.  Originally training as a fitness instructor specializing in fitness for the fuller figure, she gained a degree in Sports and Exercise Studies in 1999 and introduced the concept of Lifestyle Coaching to Virgin Active Health Clubs. She is a published holistic article writer and regular contributor to NLPLife Training Newsletter. Gina is now focused on working towards a new paradigm of delivering NLP training to a virtual world audience via various forms of multimedia platforms in partnership with sponsors and organizations.

Gina is passionate about raising awareness of virtual worlds, their potential for training change and personal development, where they will have the best benefit to a global audience, as well as to those who need more traditional methods of learning such as books, CDs, audio and one to one coaching.

Gina may be contacted via Tel: 07932 958 262;  Havening Techniques

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