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We Heal What We Need to Learn: The Ups and Downs of Grief, Joy and Happiness. Part II

by Gina Pickersgill(more info)

listed in healing, originally published in issue 279 - June 2022

In Part I, I wrote about how grief could take us to new levels of awareness in terms of how we remember the passing of a loved one. In this article I am going to look at what it takes to bring joy back into your life after the experience of grief. We are at a time when dying and death have never been more prominent in our minds. But out of all of this, we can see that we have become more compassionate in terms of dealing with the death of a loved one and especially towards ourselves. We are no longer taking the hits that used to have us wallowing in grief for years and years. We are now able to use our emotional intelligence to circumnavigate the darkest of days and yes – even find a modicum of joy!

How is this possible and what can we do to reign in the grief and bring out the joy?



Woman Image by Golden Violinist Pixabay


In such moments that we are feeling down and despairing, we can forget the meaning of a person's life and how much they gave us in terms of memories, wisdom and guidance. We are learning that to wallow in grief for too long is to dishonour that person because they were not just about being noticed when gone. They were about being remembered for what they achieved in terms of giving you the parts of life THEY had with you.


Horizontal Sadness

Images by John Hain Pixabay

Left: sadness

Right: brain


When their memory is about love, not sadness, we can begin to make decisions regarding how we see them in terms of choosing memories that match feelings of joy. When joy is a focus we can remember happy times and all that, that entails. What do you remember about them that makes you smile, laugh or feel proud? These can help you focus more clearly on what needs to be achieved in terms of getting clear on how you focus on their memory.

When my partner passed away, the first thing I remembered about him was his voice. A smooth, rich, velvety deep voice that made me want to listen such that he could have been reading the phone book for all I cared. However, his words were far from mundane. He was one of the wisest, more amazing people I have ever known. So together with his words, wisdom and voice I have something to remember that I can use as a part of honouring his life and teachings. I suppose the lesson in life is pay attention to your loved ones and remember them for what they bring to your life rather than what they took away. By listening to your loved ones you collect mementoes that you can use to bring them back into your life after they have passed by living joyfully in their memory.

The Joy of Remembering!

Apart from all the lovely memories, you might have such as when they cooked you a meal or took you on holiday, you might find joy in how you make decisions based on what they taught you. For example, I find joy in being able to say “I know him and this is what he taught me to do”. For example, he taught me how to utilize my knowledge and understanding of social media, writing, blogging, virtual worlds, coaching and video making to make a business I can be proud of. My company Virtual World Coaching Academy was created before I met him, but the lessons have been utilized to give me something to move forward on and continue to develop as I remember his words of wisdom on how to create and produce content. He was a master at content management, in fact, he was a commensurate visionary. How can I not utilize what he taught me and honour his legacy?


Grief Image by Helgaka Pixabay


What brings me joy is that I have his lessons to live by that if I had not, my life would be all the less without them. I live his words and even though tinged with sadness, his knowledge still brings me joy. My life has been made richer by his presence. So please take this lesson and allow their lives to enrich your memories of what they left behind and give them the honour they deserve.


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About Gina Pickersgill

Gina is a transpersonal coach who brings multimedia to her practice.  She created an authoritative eMagazine on NLP and Healing, based on The Healing Pool, a virtual sanctuary she owns in Second Life as her avatar 'Nina Lancaster'.

An NLP Master Practitioner and Certified Society of NLP Trainer, Gina assisted co-creator of NLP Richard Bandler on their London NLP, seminars from 2001-5.  Originally training as a fitness instructor specializing in fitness for the fuller figure, she gained a degree in Sports and Exercise Studies in 1999 and introduced the concept of Lifestyle Coaching to Virgin Active Health Clubs. She is a published holistic article writer and regular contributor to NLPLife Training Newsletter. Gina is now focused on working towards a new paradigm of delivering NLP training to a virtual world audience via various forms of multimedia platforms in partnership with sponsors and organizations.

Gina is passionate about raising awareness of virtual worlds, their potential for training change and personal development, where they will have the best benefit to a global audience, as well as to those who need more traditional methods of learning such as books, CDs, audio and one to one coaching.

Gina may be contacted via Tel: 07932 958 262;  Havening Techniques

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