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How to Successfully Achieve Inner Goals

by Sally Stubbs(more info)

listed in holistic psychotherapy, originally published in issue 213 - April 2014

My Vision is to guide you to empower yourself to successfully achieve your Goal, and for you to be experiencing your immeasurable potential. As you read and absorb what I say my hope for you is that you will feel ‘This is amazing!’ 

No matter what your goal and vision, you will be successful.

Sally Stubbs 213

How do I know?

OK - you, or a loved one, have a problem that you really want to Resolve.

I know the ‘how’ to permanent resolution because I’ve ‘been there’!

I’ve had the fears, the nervousness, the anxieties, & panic, not sleeping, withdrawn, angry inside, lonely. I’ve felt as furious as ten furious bears, misunderstood, ignored, neglected!

Also, I could not relate to food, yo-yoing with my weight.

I had no voice with which to speak my mind.

Look at me now!

How do I know that the kind of Therapeutic Work I will be discussing with you here will work for you? I know because I have rigorously refined & studied what I do for these ‘ways’, these therapeutic strategies, to have worked successfully for an uncountable number of my esteemed clients for over 30 years.

Laughing girl

My wish for you, and for us all, is to be guided in the right way to feel & be free, in our mind & emotions. Free of problems that ‘haunt’ us like a mind-emotional ‘Ground Hog Day’ - the same damn thing over & over & over again!

The ‘Golden Key’ is to elegantly and ‘cleanly’ communicate with your unconscious mind, in the language of the unconscious mind.

Look, most of us don’t realize all our problems are unconsciously driven.

We don’t consciously want them - the fears, the destructive anger, the debilitating chronic self doubts, the deep inner ‘aching’, the difficulties with food, difficulties with people. Yikes! We don’t consciously want the withdrawing or hiding-away from a full on, living life.

We don’t consciously want all this ‘grimey’ painful stuff.

So that’s the first part of the golden key, dear seeker, to accept: All our problems are unconsciously driven.

This Is How It Is & How It Can, & Will Be

There are a few things that I already know about you.

I do know that you do have your wonderful dreams and your aspirations.

I know that you have enormous inner strengths. Don’t argue!

And I know that I have enormous respect for you - and your strengths to ‘carry on’.

I also know this about your unconscious mind: Your unconscious mind is amazing, it is creative and it is solution and resolution generating. This is the truth about all unconscious minds.

You may be asking, or spluttering: “Whaaat…….?” “How come then, our mind- emotional problems and ‘pains’ are unconsciously driven when our unconscious is supposedly so wise & brilliant?”

Here it is, and for now, I will be brief.

During certain times and experiences in our life our unconscious wisdom went into some kind of protective mode - and ‘hid’ away part of our true self - for ‘safety’!

It’s like this: When we’ve been confronted by ’20 foot tall’ people, or sometimes ‘an entire world’ of our culture - it is not ‘safe’ for us to say:


It is not ‘safe’ to say: “You’re wrong!

These particular things that you say or do are unacceptable.

 I am going to do my own thing!”

And so on and so on…….

As a client recently said to me: “If I hide away I’ll not be noticed. So I try and disappear. I’ve done that ever since I was a little girl.”

You should see her now! Now that she knows, and more to the point the unconscious of ‘the little girl’ knows she is ‘safe’ to be ‘out there’ - free and happy to be her self - doing her thing in her own way.

Simplistically, the ‘lost’ part of our self is within the ‘worlds’ of our unconscious mind. And the only way to find, ‘heal’ and free that part of our self is by communicating correctly with the unconscious mind.

The lost or hidden part of our self will not respond in any lasting, permanent way to suggestions, directions, analysis, prescriptive strategies or authoritarian control as often found in conventional therapy.

Get Ready, Get Set & Go Grow Into Your Potential

Communicate elegantly with your unconscious mind. The wisdom of your unconscious will respond and explore, in exactly the right way for you, to creatively discover your own solutions & resolutions. This is the way to resolving permanently whatever mind-emotional problem has been ‘haunting’ you, or a loved one of yours.

Learning the language of the unconscious mind will guide you, safely into the worlds of your unconscious mind - freeing you to live life to the full.

This  language of the unconscious guides you to the part of your self who got ‘stuck’ - who ‘hid away’ Had to ‘stay stuck’ - because it could be dangerous to be ‘out there’ or dangerous to ‘move on’.

Guides you to ‘heal’ and Free that part of your self, letting this part of your self know the truth - it is now safe - to be free to be.

By the way, this important journey into the unconscious never goes through painful, ‘grimy’ memories. We witness, honour, respect and accept that a part of your self did truly have some painful, bewildering, confusing experiences.

So, we are talking about experiences and experiences have structure.

You see, the thing is, together we can safely find an experience, or a cluster of experiences of yours (a cluster would be something like: Every week, week after week, my math’s teacher told me I was useless, and every week I felt bewildered and hurt - So I ate a ton of food, to try and stop the hurt….and I stopped speaking up.)

We can take your experience or cluster of experiences, cleanly and safely and change the structure, appropriately and elegantly.

I’m wondering if you’re thinking: Nothing painful ever happened to me.

And so I feel to tell you a story, which is profound, indeed all our stories are profound: (Me being told I was useless at math’s - was profoundly hurtful to me!)

Here’s a story for you:

Last year a Client came to me because he had increasingly been suffering more and more panic attacks and becoming more and more withdrawn, to the point of panicking when walking down the street of his home town.

He told me that his childhood had been perfection.

He came from a big supportive, cuddly family. He’d arrived late, he hadn’t been planned, and he was a happy and welcomed surprise for his parents and his three, much older siblings. He had been the treasured baby and still is ‘the baby’ now in his 40’s.

When he was quite young he knew his life’s work and purpose was to be an artist, painting and drawing happily consumed him. His thoughtful parents said he must have: “A proper career.” Of course he understood their wants and their caring for him.

He became an accountant with a successful business.

The Artist in him could not negotiate with his caring parents. The Artist ‘hid away’. The ‘Artist’ was ‘stuck’ with an absolute Fury. The Fury had nowhere to go - so the Fury he’d so nobly contained finally ‘boiled over’ and manifest as more and more panic and withdrawing.

‘Hah!’ - you may well be saying: ‘So why didn’t he work as an accountant during the week and go and do his drawing and painting at weekends and holidays?’ It’s a fair question.

OK - here is why those kinds of behavioral strategies won’t work to resolve - in this case - the panic and withdrawing.

The Artist in him ‘got stuck’ got ‘hidden away’ - when he was aged eight and he knew that his parents had mapped his career. Aged eight he was in an agony of Fury. Could he express Fury at his caring parents? No! His Fury would have caused them ‘pain’ and that would be dangerous - to cause beloved parents ‘pain’ - because to do that would have been psychologically & emotionally unbearable for him. It was more bearable to contain hisyoung’ Fury.

We found during our Work together that the Fury ‘belonged’ to the aged eight year old him - and needed to be witnessed, honoured and respected in the right way, in the language of the unconscious mind, for ‘age eight’ to Free ‘age eight’ from his Fury and heal the panic.

Carl Jung

Carl Jung

As we communicate elegantly and safely with our own unconscious and gain the immeasurable rewards of finding and freeing our self and of really respecting our self, we doubly gain as we activate our own unconscious resources, potentials, creativity and strengths.

Now here’s the thing, communicating correctly with your unconscious mind will connect with and activate your ‘dormant’ resources and strengths, ‘clearing’ a way, a clarity of Vision, to your own Goal and will respond to the needs of your anima & animus, Dr Carl Jung’s archetypes.

The anima is a feminine image in the male psyche and the animus is a male image in the female psyche. Whether we are male or female we have both anima and animus. The united in harmony anima/animus represents the "true self" rather than the image we present to others, and serves as the primary source of communication with the collective unconscious.

The uniting in harmony within us of the anima and animus is known as the syzygy*, or the divine couple. The syzygy represents completion, unification and wholeness.

‘The self’ is an archetype that represents the uniting in harmony of the unconsciousness and consciousness of an individual.

*Reference: Dr Carl Jung archetypes

The creation of the self occurs through a process known as individuation, in which the various aspects of personality are integrated.

Bottom line?

As we journey towards and begin to achieve inner unity and harmony - we become free of the mind-emotional problems, regardless of how these problems manifest, such as: the agonizing over… the worrying, the nervousness, the aching, the: “I can’t say no to….” the feeling ‘stuck’, ‘lost’ or ‘trapped’.

The Swiss psychologist and psychiatrist Dr Carl Jung, a ‘Giant’ amongst us, was one of the major forces responsible for bringing psychological thought and its theories into the twentieth century.

Jung explained: "All the most powerful ideas in history go back to archetypes. This is particularly true of religious ideas, but the central concepts of science, philosophy, and ethics are no exception to this rule. In their present form they are variants of archetypal ideas created by consciously applying and adapting these ideas to reality. For it is the function of consciousness, not only to recognize and assimilate the external world through the gateway of the senses, but to translate into visible reality the worlds within us." 

Why the language of the unconscious mind?

Because around, 95% of our life is unconsciously driven.

Which is great for a large percentage of our daily life, when we don’t have to use up huge chunks of time in conscious thinking!

Such as: what is 5 + 5? We have learnt this and now unconsciously know the answer: 10. We don’t have to do slow counting on our fingers!

We no longer have to think of the complexity of tying shoe laces! We unconsciously tie our shoe laces & multi task! Such as read the paper, call out to the kids & listen to the radio!

And if a child runs out in front of my car - it’s all too late when I have to think: ‘…..move my right foot onto the brake….!’ My unconscious does all that in around one tenth of a second.

So those are examples of useful automatic unconscious responses. Unfortunately we have equally automatic unconscious problematic responses. As you discover the language of the unconscious, your unconscious mind will begin to respond positively.

Your unconscious mind will begin ‘its’ search for your solutions. Your dreams whenever you sleep, will change focus, will search for and begin to generate solutions and resolutions for you to have more harmony within yourself and with important others in your life.

Freeing you from mind - emotional problems, assisting you to be who you truly are, empowering you to be yourself, rightfully returning the autonomy, the locus of control, to where it belongs, - to your Self.

This is my Vision for you and - for all of us.


Milton Erickson

Milton Erickson

Dr Milton H Erickson: “…….long overdue is the fulfillment of the need to recognize that meaningful communication should replace repetitious verbigerations, direct suggestions and authoritarian commands.”

Here’s my metaphor of how this works: Think of your unconscious mind as having an amazing, efficient, wise and totally trustworthy butler.

So let me expand on my metaphor.

Imagine the domain of your unconscious mind as being, when you were quite young, an exquisite, organized, uncluttered, ‘clean’, pristine, beautiful, solid, extensive mansion with outstanding potential for expansion. Then as time went by, and through no fault of your own, your beautiful mansion got invaded by loads of ‘grime’, got quite cluttered and then you could not find, you kind of lost sight of, your important treasure. Your treasure meaning - your self having rightful dominion in your life, dominion in your ‘mansion’.

I believe you’ve tried many things to clean out the ‘grime’ and sort the clutter over the months or even years, in an attempt to find your ‘treasure’ and regain your rightful control, your dominion.

Well, here’s the thing! The language of the unconscious connects you with your butler, and activates your butler to start clearing most of the ‘grime’ and differentiating the clutter, cleaning the windows so that you can see. So you have a clear path to discover your ‘lost or hidden treasure.’

Five Practical Steps built on the Language of the Unconscious Mind

So, next time I write to you, I would like to outline my Five Practical Steps to successfully achieving your Goal.

Following me in these five practical self-help steps to achieve your goal and to therefore create inner harmony with your self and with important others in your life, will take time. I’d say about half an hour a day for five or six weeks, maybe around seven days for each ‘step’.


Because ‘fast therapy’ is not sustaining of your self being safe to be free.

Free of mind-emotional problems, to grow and expand to be in real inner harmony and celebrate life. As Mike, my Soul Mate, Thee Man in my life says: “’Fast Food Therapy’ does not Work, it does not nourish our self. Our self is too wise to ‘come out of protection’ for that kind of stuff!

That kind of ‘Fast Food Therapy’ is neither nourishing nor is it sustaining for our ‘self’ to exit its ‘protection’ places and feel and be safe.”


*Reference: Dr Carl Jung archetypes


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About Sally Stubbs

Sally Stubbs MNCP (Snr Accred) FACH DACH is a licensed Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist with advance training in cutting edge strategies with nearly 30 years solid therapeutic experience. Since 1990 she has been specifically writing and compiling her Therapeutic Courses, in the style of and based on the amazing and successful work of Dr Milton Erickson. Erickson is globally considered to be the 'Grand Father' of Hypnotherapeutic work, and she has been fortunate to study under his prodigy, Dr Ernest Rossi.

Her practice in the Lake District offers therapeutic courses on ailments such as stress, confidence, weight, smoking, phobias and Sally has treated well-known media figures including the columnist Liz Jones, and Brookside actor Steven Pinder as well as others. She has recently written a book called If Life Gives You Lemons - A Short Guide to Happiness and has launched a series of easy to follow CDs on these common ailments that enable you to achieve your goals by changing your mind patterns. Sally may be contacted on Tel: 017687 71377;

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