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The Art of Forgiveness

by BD Basu(more info)

listed in psychospiritual, originally published in issue 235 - January 2017

When you are involved in a quarrel, a bitter relationship starts, and you or your opponent will find out an opportunity to humiliate each other. Unless it happens, both the parties will not keep quiet. Why is it so?  Because we believe in taking revenge rather than to follow the art of forgiveness. Like the art of living, forgiveness is also an art. The more you can show forgiveness, the more you will be recognized by all.  In our daily lives, we face some bad experiences, which is unavoidable. The two options are there when you meet bad experiences. Don’t think much and completely ignore the incident.  If you are not able to bury the bad experience, the intensity of the gloomily and unhappiness will increase. If you prolong the altercations, then you are in a mood to take revenge. On the contrary, if you ignore or show a let-go attitude, then you follow the art of forgiveness. As per spirituality, showing forgiveness is a better option.


Basu 235 Couple Arguing


Forgiveness saves you from unwanted distraction, not alluring you to involve in unproductive works and finally saves your precious times. Further, you will be able to ensure not to escalate the issue, which may otherwise develop extraordinary tension. This art is an instant solution to any boisterous situation.  Contrarily, if you resort to the path of taking revenge, the problem will become complicated.  Forgiveness may not give an immediate solution sometimes, but you get enough time to think deeply on the issue of quarreling.  During this period, who knows whether either you or your opponent may understand the situation thoroughly and bury the animosity through discussions?  When this type of situation occurs, mostly people blame others. It is always advisable to examine one’s role in the whole state of affairs.  For example, if you are gloomy, don’t focus on the other party.  It is you who are responsible for the situation. A famous proverb says, “If you laugh, the whole world will laugh with you, but if you weep, you have to shed tears alone.”  You need to search out for a better option to emerge from any impasse.


Basu 235 The World Laughs


In our lives, we face two choices.  One is anti-other thinking, and the nother is pro-self thinking. The anti-other thinking provokes you to the path of animosity. You will be in a mood to argue with others, to oppose any suggestion without analyzing the pros and cons of the issue, like to irritate others and not allowing others to finish their words, and finally, you descend to the brute level.  The pro-self thinking makes you reach a higher realm, where your behavior will be very rational and less aggressive. The art of forgiveness is a full stop because thereafter you have to start afresh. But the attitude to take revenge will bring peril to you; otherwise, you cannot enjoy a quiet life. Further, forgiveness will increase the chance to reduce bitterness, if not eliminated entirely, whereas revenge will escalate the tension in a relationship. Forgiveness makes you think positively uninterruptedly, while hate fosters ill feelings and negativities. And the negative thoughts will bring disharmony to your mental pattern. Many people believe that forgiveness is a characteristic trait for a weak person.  It is advisable to take tit-for-tat approach.  But this approach is not a solution to any problematic issue. Forgiveness closes any problem once for all, whereas a tit-for-tat attitude aggravates and prolongs it. 

Some people think that forgiveness will provide an urge to continue with wrongdoings, but this thinking has no iota of truth.  In the long run, forgiveness always wins the battle. In fact, history has also shown us this proposition.  Psychology shows us that we are born with ego and a conscience.  If you adopt the policy of tit-for-tat, it creates resentment and inflates other person’s ego, whereas if you follow the art of forgiveness, it will activate the other person’s conscience. It is an established hypothesis that in any controversial matter, the conscience always plays a decisive role.  Forgiveness and revenge are two different moral cultures. If you practise the forgiveness policy, you will be instrumental in developing a clean, better and healthy society where positive values flourish and the spirit of brotherhood are evident, and where groups join and turn the nation into a peaceful entity. The outcome of revenge will bring just the opposite.  A hate culture produces bitterness, hatred, jealousy and occasionally anarchy, which is not good for human beings. In this culture, everyone wants to topple others, which creates the growth of a not at all healthy environment. 

We are bound to do something wrong in our lives.  The common proverb “To err is human,” is always to be in our conscience, but that does not mean taking revenge will be the solution to an unresolved issue.  That will develop the tenacity to do mistake after mistake.  Contrarily, when you take the path of forgiving others, you correct the wrongs with rights.  If to err is human, to forgive is more human.


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About BD Basu

BD Basu BSc (Engg)-Mech MBA Dip Export MA (English)  is a native of India and is a Director (Contracts) with an engineering company named Anupam Industries Ltd., Anand, Gujarat, India, looking after the entire range of marketing and contracts' execution. The company is 35 years old and engaged in manufacturing of EOT, Goliath/Gantry, Ladle cranes. Mr Bosu is a member of the Writers Bureau, Manchester UK and a freelance writer writing in various genres namely management, health, spiritual, motivational and novels. He has completed two nonfiction e-books, In Search of Peace and 16 Wisdom to acquire Spiritual Happiness.’ Mr Basu has also written short books of around 7000 words on home furnishing, food and health after getting contracts from BD Basu may be contacted via,   Please view the BD Basu's writings at his Times of India blog

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